One day you’re single, minding your own business, and the next moment, you meet someone who makes you feel all funny inside, and things change. You find yourself smiling at texts in the middle of the day, planning romantic weekends away and birthday surprises. You’re in love.

But making a relationship work takes more than just love and chemistry. It’s not the fairytale version, so you don’t have magic beans or a fairy godmother to grant you your effortless happily-ever-after. You have to work at love – successful relationships are built on mutual respect and compatible values. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with each other on every issue, but you should at least share similar moral and ethical standards, for example.

Of course, there are countless trivial differences that you can agree to disagree on – no 2 people think alike about everything, and those silly little disputes can become playful in-jokes between you. They’re more a kind of romantic banter, rather than dealbreakers. However, you need to be aligned on important issues – for instance, your attitudes towards money management and spending are not trivial differences. They’re the foundation of the future that you’re mapping out with your financial planning, and disagreements about where you want your life path to lead can end a relationship.

If you’re in it for the long haul, you need to align your financial plans and future goals before you set up a home together.

Turn your money goals into couple goals

Social media is filled with #couplegoals images – usually sunset cruises, fine-dining restaurants, extravagant bouquets, and lavish surprises. But those are just the highlight reels – to reach those couple goals, try putting the following goals in place first:

• Have regular, serious conversations about your savings goals and how to align them.
• If you’re overspending, admit that you need to curb expenses to achieve your goals, then stop buying non-essentials until your saving and investment plans are back on track.
• Be patient with each other and find the right balance between spending and saving.
• Set up a joint budget to track your combined income, expenses, and savings. Transparent finances can help a couple build accountability and trust.
• Develop joint goals for long-term wealth creation like buying a home, saving for retirement, and investing in education for your children.

Nedbank has always encouraged you to #SeeMoneyDifferently, but when it comes to couples, it helps if you can see money differently together, while seeing eye to eye.

Understand joint vs separate finances

Should you combine your finances or keep them separate?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, because every couple manages money differently. Joint accounts give you more transparency, but separate accounts preserve your financial independence. Many couples find that a hybrid approach works best – so they'll have a joint account for shared costs (into which each partner deposits a set amount every month), and they’ll keep their separate personal accounts for individual expenses.

A healthy financial future doesn’t happen accidentally – you have to build it by setting intentional goals, starting with saving for an emergency fund and continuing all the way through to retirement and estate planning. Align your savings and investment goals as a couple, then decide how much to save, where to invest, and what financial milestones you want to reach together.

The key is to choose a structure that fits your income levels, spending habits, and financial goals. Clarity and mutual agreement will help you avoid misunderstandings.

Build a strong money mindset as a couple

Your relationship with money starts in childhood. We often pick up habits from the way our families handle finances, and past experiences of earning or losing money also influence our financial behaviour. Even cultural influences can shape your financial mindset.

Some people are natural savers, while others see money as something to spend on enjoying the moment. It’s impossible to avoid conflict altogether, but open conversations about financial priorities, long-term goals, and the financial risks that you’re willing to take can help you resolve any disagreements. If you try to understand each other’s approach to money and appetite for financial risk, it’ll be easier to compromise on your money habits as a couple. 

When you and your partner start dealing with finances as a unit, your personal expenses, shared household costs, and even family or community obligations need to be a joint decision. You may have to reconcile different priorities – for example, whether supporting local charities is more important than boosting the growth of your joint retirement investments. Talk about fair ways to split expenses while respecting each other’s values.

It’s a balancing act that may be tricky, but it means that both partners contribute fairly without feeling financially stretched or undervalued.  

Getting past financial disagreements

Even the most financially compatible couples will disagree sometimes, but you can handle differences of opinion in positive ways. Set some ground rules for money discussions, like keeping emotions in check and focusing on solutions rather than placing blame.

Use budgeting tools to track spending and identify areas for compromise. If necessary, get professional financial advice for an unbiased perspective. By approaching financial conflicts with patience and teamwork, you can turn your issues into opportunities for growth.  

Need help with your financial planning? Nedbank offers savings and investment solutions designed to help couples grow their wealth, so you can build a future that reflects your aspirations as a family.