Parents often tell their kids, ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees’, and the kids think they’re being overly dramatic. But when you start earning your own living, you realise just how true that is – you have to earn every cent. That’s what makes it so upsetting when others see you as their personal money tree that they can always shake for a few extra bucks.

It’s a tough situation to be in, especially when you want to help someone close to you. But to protect your own financial stability and peace of mind, you need to recognise when a family member, loved one, or friend is taking advantage of your generosity.

Financial abuse can be subtle, but there are clear signs that someone might be exploiting your kindness.

Top 5 signs that someone is taking financial advantage

It’s easy to miss the red flags when you’re dealing with people you care about, but if you notice any of the following, it’s time to reassess the relationship and establish financial boundaries:

1. They borrow money repeatedly without repaying past loans 

When you’re in a pinch, it’s okay to reach out to friends and family for support occasionally. But if you ask someone for a loan, you can’t treat it as a gift – you need to pay it back within the agreed timeframe to maintain trust in the relationship. If you find that someone constantly asks you for a ‘loan’, but ‘forgets’ that they haven’t paid you back for the last loan, chances are they aren’t forgetting – they're just taking advantage. It might be time to cut off the flow of funds and suggest that they explore their borrowing options with a registered financial services provider instead.

2. They manipulate you with lies and guilt 

Do you have that one friend who always seems to be in a financial crisis and needs help with cash for things like transport or even food? They spin you a story that pulls at your heartstrings and leaves you feeling as if you’re their only hope, and if you don’t lend them this cash, the consequences will be entirely your fault. Then you log onto social media, and they’re out partying with friends.

These are people who see you as an easy target for quick cash to fund a lifestyle that they’re not willing to work for. Their priorities are generally not in order, and they don’t plan for the long term. Don’t fall for their manipulation tactics – as much as you might empathise, you aren’t responsible for their financial liabilities.

3. They won’t tell you what the money is for

If you’ve received a message saying, 'Hey, can I borrow R200?' without any further explanation, you’ll relate to this one. Banks ask for a reason before they lend anyone money – so you deserve a legitimate one before you part with your hard-earned cash, too. If someone is comfortable enough to borrow money from you, they should be able to tell you what they’re spending it on. Be wary of a request for cash from anyone who is vague about why they need it.

4. They only contact you when they need financial help 

If you have someone in your life that seems to surface only when they’re cash-strapped, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. Life gets busy, so we all understand that keeping in contact regularly isn’t always possible. But if the only time someone contacts you is when they want to ask for a loan, ask yourself whether it’s worth staying in touch with that person at all.

5. You’re sacrificing your own financial security to support them

Your savings goals should always come first. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so protecting your own financial health is a priority. If someone is genuinely in a crisis and you have some cash to spare, by all means, help them out until they can repay the loan. But you can’t help those who refuse to help themselves – and if helping someone else stay afloat is causing you to sink, and they know you’re struggling but do nothing to improve their own situation, it’s time to cut them loose.

Get expert financial advice from Nedbank

Don’t let people take advantage of your generosity if it will compromise your financial security. Speak to a Nedbank financial adviser today for personalised advice on managing your money, including savings and investments.