Navigating finances in your relationship is a normal and healthy part of any romantic partnership, but for victims of financial abuse, it’s a source of extreme anxiety and serious long-term harm. Financial abuse exists in 99% of abusive relationships. When you consider that 1 in 5 South African women will experience abuse at the hands of an intimate partner in their lifetime, it becomes clear that all women need the skills to guard against financial manipulation.

To stop the financial dynamics in your relationship from becoming one-sided, manipulative, or secretive, it’s important to set healthy financial boundaries to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Understanding financial abuse

Financial abuse is defined as a form of control where your partner manipulates or dominates your financial resources. Here are some of the signs to look out for:

• Controlling your income and expenses: Restricting access to your bank accounts or credit cards, denying access to money, or withholding necessities from you.
• Financial coercion: Using threats or manipulation to make financial decisions for you.
• Exploitation: Using your money for their gain without your consent or stealing your money.
• Hidden financial transactions: Buying items or making investments without your knowledge or consent.
• Secret accounts: Keeping money and financial assets hidden from you.
• Deceptive behaviour: Being dishonest about their income or debt and racking up debt in your name.

With any combination of these behaviours, the abuser wants to control you, sabotaging your chances of becoming financially independent in the future.

Recognising the warning signs

Financial abuse does not happen overnight. It is often a slow, gradual process that starts with seemingly small issues to look out for.

It could start with a controlling attitude towards how you use your money. Your partner may want to know how much you’re spending, demanding receipts, or nit-picking the reasons for your spending. This behaviour can also lead to controlling or restricting your access to money, not allowing to use a joint account or setting restrictions on the money that you do have.

More extreme examples can include your partner actively sabotaging your employment or trying to convince you to leave your job. Abusers are also known to create secret debt through loans or credit in your name, or to withhold financial information from you, including their income, assets, and spending.

Identifying the warning signs is the first step towards healthy financial boundaries.
 

Setting healthy financial boundaries

Talk about money

It’s important to talk to your partner about money matters regularly. Apart from budgeting and monthly financial planning, sharing your financial goals can be a powerful way to connect emotionally.

Plan together

Knowing the possibilities and limitations of your combined income and expenses will help build trust through transparency. Remember that it’s important to make it a 2-way street where you both share information to grow that trust.

Establish financial responsibilities

Respect each other’s freedom and set clear expectations for financial roles and limits. Knowing who pays for what in your budget can give you an incredible sense of security in your finances.

Don’t be afraid to get professional guidance

If communication about finances is becoming a problem, it is worthwhile to get help from a psychologist or counsellor. For guidance on budgets and navigating your finances, our financial advisers are available to help.

Never stop learning

Stay financially fit through financial literacy and stay willing to learn how to manage your money better together.

Reach out for support

Creating a safe, transparent environment for financial discussions is vital for any healthy relationship. By setting clear boundaries and fostering trust, it’s possible to build a partnership where you can both feel valued and secure.

However, financial boundaries cannot exist in an abusive relationship. If you suspect that you’re experiencing financial abuse, it’s important to act now. Resources like abuse counselling and support groups can give you invaluable guidance and a clear way forward. Remember, this is not your fault, you are not alone, and help is available.

For financial advice and planning, call a Nedbank financial adviser on 0800 555 111.

Help line: 011 591 6803

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse at the hands of an intimate partner, call People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA) for support.