The term 'Karen' gets thrown around far too easily these days – and it's unfair to all the polite, reasonable Karens out there to begin with. The original social media memes involved women throwing noisy tantrums in public when they couldn't get their way – usually abusing powerless employees. It was about unreasonable, entitled expectations that the rules apply only to everyone else, and staff should make exceptions for them.

But meanings shift – and now, people might label you a Karen simply for asking questions, double-checking facts, or pushing back when something feels off. This can become an expensive problem, if it shames you into not speaking up when you should.

Assertive does not mean entitled

Yes, you have certain rights as a customer, and reasonable expectations regarding product quality and efficient service. But it's possible to insist on those rights without being unpleasant. Apart from anything else, it's pointless to dump your anger about a corporate policy on a frontline worker with no power to change it.

By all means: question a policy, point out an unexplained charge, request a refund and, if necessary, escalate your problem to the next level of management – or even to a lawyer, if it comes to that. But you can do all that without shouting, insults, or humiliating people.

• Politeness costs nothing, but treating those who wait on you politely is priceless.
  
  
• You can question policies without belittling people. And if there are any loopholes in inconvenient store policies, an employee is more likely to point them out to a friendly customer than a belligerent one – you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!
  
  
• You can push back without raising your voice. If the store employees can't resolve your issue, email or call the store's customer service department to take it further.
  
  
• You can advocate for yourself without assuming bad intent on behalf of the store employees.

Being calm, clear, and respectful is more likely to resolve your issue swiftly than shouting, swearing, and insulting the staff.

Smart financial habits are not 'being a Karen'

Here are 5 everyday situations where a calm, polite request for fair treatment certainly doesn't make you a Karen:

1. When you're served the wrong order at a restaurant
   If the food that arrives at your table is not what you asked for, you can either eat and pay for it anyway, just so you 'don't make a fuss', or you can politely ask for the mistake to be corrected. Don't make this a personal attack on the waiter, the kitchen, or the eatery – everyone makes mistakes. But you're entitled to get what you paid for. Silence, in moments like these, trains businesses to keep getting it wrong.
   
   
2. When someone else causes damage and tries to make it your problem
   A dented car door, cracked screen, or other damage you didn't cause is not your responsibility. Don't be intimidated by a loud, fast-talking, confident bully. You don’t need to raise your voice or make threats to stand your ground – just gather all the evidence that shows the facts and the sequence of events. Do not agree with anyone trying to lay the blame on you, but don't argue with them either – your main concern should be to collect all the relevant evidence to present to the insurers and, if necessary, a court.
   
   
3. When you see suspicious charges or hidden fees on your account
   Always query unexpected transactions, unexplained debit orders, or other charges that you don't recognise as soon as you notice them. The faster you act, the better your chances of preventing fraud. Many people delay because they don't want to query amounts that seem small, but that minimal charge could be a test by a scammer before withdrawing larger amounts. Report fraud or attempted fraud 24/7 by calling the Nedbank fraud hotline on 0800 110 929.
   
   
4. When you've been overcharged
   Get into the habit of double-checking your bills and account statements. Mistakes happen. But you shouldn't have to cover unnecessary costs because you feel too awkward to speak up. Double debits, incorrect fees or overcharging are valid reasons to ask questions – or your money trickles away in small amounts. Checking your statements or querying issues isn't nitpicking – it's essential to responsible financial management.
   
   
5. When something breaks while it's still under warranty or guarantee
   If an appliance stops working while it's still under warranty or covered by a guarantee, don't claim from your insurance or buy a new one. Warranties and guarantees are built into a sales contract and the price. Getting a repair, replacement or refund within the agreed terms is exactly what you paid for when you bought the product.

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